Order and Randomness
by lalakawaii
Summary: Here I was, well into my 20s. I had more money than I could spend, more girls throwing themselves at me than I could handle. But I didn't care about any of it. These past couple of years all I've been doing is lusting after the one I couldn't hold on to.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first attempt at fan fic.

**I don't own anything.**

**_______________________________**

**AN: I have been so caught up with school, and I kind of abandoned this...You should re-read it btw chapters 1 and 2 have been revamped.**

When I awoke this morning, I knew that something today was going to influence my immediate future. There was something in the air. A feeling that you get in your gut. There is nothing like that instinctual light bulb that is set off from deep in your soul that says the universe is on your side...

At a quarter to nine, my eyes were coaxed open, influenced by the smell of coffee wafting from the kitchen. I sighed, _Ahh Java. _It was tempting to stay in bed and ignore the world from the comforts of my bedroom, but if I stayed then surely the coffee pot would burn a whole in my countertop. After pondering the possibilities for a brief moment, I rolled myself out of bed and made my way to the kitchen.

When I got there I was surprised to find that I had a visitor. Instead of the usual muffled hustle and bustle of the city I had grown accustomed to hearing a scantily-clad stranger greeted me. "Good Morning."

_Who are you? _Was my first thought. Then the events night before came flooding back to me. My friends had decided to throw me a pre birthday bash. It was the standard event: a hip club rented out for the evening, lots of liquor, lots of ladies for the taking. Despite my healthy appetite for women and alcohol, the idea of taking home some poor, drunken, empty-headed girl was so unappealing. Unfortunately, last night I did not adhere to my true desires. I only threw back one shot for the sake of doing so, but then the idea of spending another night in a cold bed lead to the decision of taking this bar-fly who calls herself Ashley _(I Believe)_ back to my abode for a hot night of meaningless thrills...and much to my dejection... she was still here.

She was by most standards what you would call pretty; sun-kissed blonde hair, honey eyes and a stacked figure to go with it. She wasn't, however, what I wanted; just another notch on my bedpost. I nodded my head to her, while I crossed to the cabinet that housed my mugs. I felt her eyes on me, but I still couldn't bring myself to fall into conversation. While preparing my coffee, she began to ramble,

" I usually don't go home with strange guys. Well you aren't strange. You aren't even a stranger, the whole world knows who you are. Not that I am saying that I know you or anything. I am not a stalker. Honestly I am not like that, I was just so excited to be at your party in the first place. I am a big fan of your music. Seriously. Your albums have changed my life..."

I sat silent for a moment. "Listen... umm…"

"Leah." she said.

_Huh... I was way off. _

"Listen, Leah I am going to go change my clothes and then I am going for a run. When I come back, I don't want you to be here. You can finish your coffee and get cleaned up and I will leave you money for a cab." With that I left.

By the time I got back, sweaty and rejuvenated from my run and Leah was no where in sight. I let out a sigh of relief. I headed for the shower. I walked to my bathroom removing my clothes along the way. I opened the glass doors, turned on the water and waited for the water to heat up. I caught my reflection in the mirror, today was my birthday, but I didn't see the face of a happy man, instead I saw a brooding stranger before me. At 27, I had become a successful recording artist with more money than I could spend and more women throwing themselves at me than I knew what to do with. But I felt more alone than ever. Sure I had friends a hand full of great ones from my life before the fame and a happy few who had helped me get to where I am today, but what I wanted was love as much as I hated to admit it to myself.

When I stepped into the water and hoped my fowl mood would wash down the drain. I let my eyes close and my thoughts led me back to the last birthday that I truly enjoyed.

_Time to get up baby_. She whispered in my ear.

_Now why would I do that?_ I asked.

She was straddling my waist. I felt her mouth nibbling on my earlobe and kissing down my neck. I smiled and groaned giving her a sign of my approval while my hands gently rubbed against her thighs but still I kept my eyes closed. She was so soft. I loved the way her mahogany colored hair hung around my face, closing in on us. Like a curtain.

_It's your birthday! Come on its time to start the day._

_Can't we stay here? Just you and me..._I begged.

I looked into her chocolate orbs and smiled her favorite smile. When I saw a lapse of resolve in her eyes, I craned my neck up to kiss her. She sighed and kissed me back, our first real kiss of the day. I loved moments like this, everything about her was perfect. She loved me so openly, so freely. And it was so easy to love her right back, with her being the person she was. I loved everything about her. Her soul. Her heart. They way she looked at me. The way that even in the morning she looked like a goddess. Right in this moment I especially loved her mouth. Her soft, pouty, sweet mouth.

I ran my tongue along her bottom lip, tasting her. Mhmm...everyday she tasted like cherry vanilla. So fucking hot. I was starting to get stiff down there and pushed my hips into hers, hoping she would like the friction. She moaned and ground her center back and forth, pressing into me. Right at the moment she gave me what I wanted, she backed away from me, as if she somehow remembered her agenda.

_I have lots things planned. Everyone is waiting for us._

_They can wait some more._

With that I brought my hands from her thighs, up to the sides of her stomach and stopped just below her breast. I heard her shudder. I smiled again and let my hands travel back down her supple body.

_Well maybe we can be late. It is your birthday after all._

As she said this, her hips ground into me pressing herself into my erection again. It was my turn to shudder. I pulled her down closer to me and kissed her wonderful lips.

_I love you. _

_I love you too. _

_Make love to me. _

I don't know how long I stood there, but after awhile my skin began to look and feel like raisins. I shut off the water and walked back into my bedroom with my towel wrapped around my waist. The red light from answering machine was blinking for my attention. I crossed the distance to my nightstand and hit play.

**You have 3 messages. **

_**First Message**_

_What up loser. Listen... ahh... I know you are awake, the door man told me you went out. So when you get this drag your old behind over to my place. We are waiting for you. See you soon. _

_**Second Message**_

_It is 12:20 in the afternoon. I do not care if it is your birthday, if you are not out of your apartment and where you are supposed to be by 1, I will come over there and drag out of your poorly designed bedroom myself... Love you!_

_**Third Message**_

_Hey it's me. I'm really sorry, but I won't be able to meet today for your birthday brunch. I got a call from my sister early this morning. She was all hysterical and I think she said that she was getting a divorce... I am on my way to go get her.. anyway... I will be gone for a few days. _

_**End Of Messages.**_

Shock was all that came to mind. I sat on my bed completely dumbfounded. America's Sweet-Heart, Isabella Black was once again going to be Isabella Swan. The love of my life was probably soon to be free of her idiot husband. For the first time in years I, Edward Cullen could breathe. Sure, I knew that she wasn't automatically going to rush back into my arms, but still...now there was hope.


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own anything... **

**the past...10 years**

**(bella pov)**

If I were to list my favorite top five ultimate favorite past times, they would be in this as follows:

5)Laying on a blanket and watching the clouds

4)Drinking an iced vanilla latte and curling up with a good book

3)Watching people's lives on Jerry Springer and thanking the heavens that are far more dramatic than mine

2)Performing on stage

and finally,

1) listening to Edward Cullen play his music

Seriously, he is amazing. Ever since we were kids he was always at the piano or strumming a guitar, writing songs and such. Then after his encounter with puberty he developed this great voice. He drove the girls at school wild. Nobody can resist a musician who has a way with words.

Ed and I were in my living room. Me sprawled out in the corner doing my homework, Ed was watching the television, mirroring my posture at the other end or the room with his guitar which he named Beatrice, his prized Gibson Les Paul next to him. He was waiting for my brother Jasper to get home. Everyday we usually pile into one vehicle and carpool to school together, but for some reason I just couldn't get myself together this morning. Jazz and I arrived to our separate homerooms late and Ed had decided to take his own car. Later this afternoon, Jasper and his unusually chipper girlfriend, Alice got into a little tiff out on the quad. Edward offered to take me home so our favorite couple could work out their differences.

_I can not wait for summer. _I thought to myself.

Finally my junior year of high school was coming to a close. AP testing was only a week away and after that I would be done for a while. Even as I felt the texture of the carpet under my body I imagined that I was on the beach. Laying on top of a towel with the heat of the sand below me. Sun rays kissing my sun-screen coated skin. Not a care in the world, and no one to bother me. It was times like these I was jealous of the seniors. They would be graduating soon, heading off to college in the fall. Heading toward the future. I looked at Edward and realized that I was jealous of him. He was following his dreams.

I continued to stare at his profile, taking him in. I could never get over how handsome he was. When he sat down, he was long limbed and slightly lanky, but when at his full height of 6'2, he was toned and athletic. If he had to be put into a category, he would fit right in with the Abercrombie models. He had that perfect dreamy and far away expression in his eyes most of the time. As to what feature I liked the most, I couldn't decide. His hair was this funny red-brown, had it been on anyone else, it wouldn't work. I loved the way it fell into his eyes. He reminded me of Shawn Hunter. Edward's eyes were another amazing thing about him. Nobody had green eyes like him. They were pure and brilliant looking with no hint of grey or any indication of hazel. When he looked at you, it was like he saw right your soul.

Somewhere in between my reverie, Ed must have felt my gaze burning into him because I heard him murmur, "Take a picture Bell, it will last longer."

"My bad, I was just staring off into space." was my reply.

As lame as my response was, it didn't appear to faze him, because he had yet to look at me. We had fallen back into a comfortable silence and remained that way for some time. About 45 minutes into it, we heard Jasper's keys unlock the front door.

"Sorry about that. Alice and I took a lot longer than I expected." Jasper called out as he came through the walk way.

"It's cool, we all know Alice is a talker." Edward joked.

Jasper ran a hand through his golden hair and cracked a smile and let out a quick laugh, "Right. We can practice upstairs so Bell can have a little quiet."

Edward stood up and gathered Beatrice into his arms. I didn't look up, but I heard him take off to Jasper's room. My brother stayed behind, and took a seat in his favorite chair. Sensing the feeling that he wanted to talk, I tore my gaze away from my notes on American History and came to a seated position.

"So... how are things" I volunteered.

Jasper's blue eyes clouded and his mouth set into a frown when he said, " Everything was fine at lunch and then I was telling her about New York this summer and she freaked out on me. She said that I am using it as a ploy to break up her."

All I could do was let my face show concern as a went to embrace my brother. Jasper and Edward have been composing music together for years. Both of them are equally talented and have been trying to get a recording contract. Even though most of the artists out today are very geared to bubble gum pop, the label that signed them thinks that they could be the future of industry. This summer the boys were going to the city to work on their sound and hopefully make an album.

"What did you say to her?" I asked.

"That she was being ridiculous. That's when she got really mad. "

I couldn't help but smirk. Nobody says that to Alice Brandon. Nobody.

With a little chuckle I continued, "and then..."

"Well when I drove her home...sorry about ditching you by the way... well she kept going on about how we should just end it now. I'm going to be a rock star one of these days and she would die if I couldn't enjoy this moment in my life because I would be tied to her...I just don't get it, we've been together for years. We've even talked about marriage. Where is all of this coming from, I just don't get it. Do you think that she's doing this because she's not in love with me anymore. Has she talked about other guys. I don't know if I could ever be without her Bella.."

"Stop thinking like that. Of course she loves you. Both of you are being silly."

"I told her that I love her with all my heart, and that no one could replace her...but she didn't seem to be listening to me."

"She's just afraid. Afraid of the future and being away from you. You guys are a solid couple and you'll get through this. She's my best friend. I will give her a call tonight. Don't worry about it, go up stairs and practice."

Jasper nodded his head, taking the weight of my words. Before he left he came over to me and planted a kiss on top of my head.

"Thanks. You're a great sister."

"And you're a great big brother. "

I watched him as he bounded up the steps, and silently prayed that my talk with Alice would calm his worries. As I tried to settle back into my studies, I was comforted by the music and singing I heard from Jasper's room. While I stared at my text book, I decided I was not in the mood to study. I headed into the kitchen and started dinner.

Around seven thirty, dad came home.

"Hey daddy." I called to him.

"Hello pumpkin."

I smiled as I felt him lean in and give me a peck on the cheek.

"Arrest anyone today?"

The kitchen was filled with his bark of a laugh.

"No...not today. Is that your brother and Ed upstairs?"

"Yeah...who else would it be? Dinner's almost ready. Do you want to eat in here or in by the t.v?

"Here is fine. I get us some plates."

At forty-four years old, my dad was still a pretty active individual. He was handsome in his own right. The chief of police in our beloved and hopelessly small town, but the good people of Forks loved him. He lived the quiet life, didn't go out to the city much. Enjoyed things like fishing and much to my surprise gardening. It was hard to believe that almost eighteen years ago he was the most gossiped about man in town.

If there was ever a belle of Forks County it would have been my mother, Renee Aubrey. Charlie was only one of the many who would have loved to be with her. Mom had a way of lighting up a room and making every girl with a date loathe the ground she walked on. When Mom was a girl she loved Gregory Whitlock. He was the town quarterback who was going places. One night before Greg left to go to play football on a full ride scholarship, he and mom went joy riding in the city. On the way home Greg lost control of their car and they crashed. Mom woke up in the hospital a few days later only to find out that Greg was dead and she was pregnant.

Dad had always been that person in Mom's life that she could dangle the possibility of a relationship in front of without ever having to make good on it and Dad was okay with it. But now that Greg was gone and Mom's future was in the grey.

She needed someone stable.

Enter Charlie Swan.

He tried to make an honest woman out of her by getting married. The gossips in town were kind out of respect for my dad and didn't pass judgement when little Jasper Robert Whitlock was born. Things at home turned sour however, around the time I came into the picture. Mom always had a wandering eye and a love for alcohol. Dad had hoped that I would save their marriage, but right around the time my half brother started kindergarten and brought a little Edward into our lives, Mom had had enough. She ran off. Leaving the young Deputy Swan with a four year old daughter and five year old boy who technically wasn't even his own son.

**read and review please!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own anything...**

**______________________________________________________________________A/N: I know its been ages since i've updated.. I got caught up in school and all that jazz but I realized that I am not done with this yet. PS. you might want to go back and reread the first two chapters cause I changed a few things. Please read and review!!**

the past...10 years

(**edward pov**)

About two years ago Jasper and I decided that we were serious about starting a band. So any chance we got either in Forks or in Seattle we played an acoustic set of some of our songs and some covers. We slowly built up a following in our hometown, playing whatever random annual event happened in Forks. In Seattle we came to find a home at Aro's cafe. Most of me and Jazz's Saturday nights were spent there at open mic nights. One in sequential weekend, we met this talent scout Tyler Crowley and he hooked us up with Meyer Interscope (A/N: totally fictional but the equivalent of Warner Music Group which consists of many major labels like Jive etc.) Charlie and my parents were skeptical at first. Which is understandable, I mean its one thing for your son and his friend to say 'we are gonna go become rock stars' and then have them come back and say 'a legit talent scout might actually want to sign us.'

My mom and dad were Dr. and Mrs. Edward Anthony Cullen Sr. and nothing else. Dad spent most of his days working long hours at his hospital and the time in between, fucking attractive female staff. My mother, formally Elizabeth Masen of the Chicago Masen's, (A/N: if there is a fierce family of Masen's in Chicago, sorry I had no idea. This isn't about you, promise!) spent most of her time away with the Seattle elite or away somewhere at a spa. Mommy and Daddy were very much hands off parents which didn't bother me much because they were loaded. With that wealth they hired Jane and Alec to take care of the Cullen Manor on the outskirts of town and take care of me. On paper the Cullens were a perfectly devoted family of three. In real life, I think I could count on my hands the number of real conversations we have had. Almost all of them happening during my teens involving when I would put music behind me and decide on which university would be best for me to start my pre-med training. In their eyes, musicians were vagrants and whores, no one with a pedigree like mine should waste their time pursuing such a trashy industry. Playing the piano and the guitar was fine as a hobby, but no self-respecting blue blood would try to make a career out of it. It was embarrassing.

With Crowley's help some of the other music business suits came to see us, and they even flew me, Jasper and Charlie out to NYC. There, we met Carlisle Weston, President of Meyer Interscope, told us that he really liked us but they didn't know what to do with us. Two singer song writers in their sophomore year of high school weren't exactly what was hot right now. Carlisle said did say however that we could have a future and that we should stick around. He and Charlie argued, Charlie in favor of going home and finish school while Carlisle suggested that we stay in the city under the label's supervision. They decide to do a non-exclusive contract where they we could come back to Meyer Interscope once they finished school with workable material. So technically Jasper and I had a record deal.

So now, here we were. Jasper and I. Back at Meyer waiting to see if what we have been working for they past few years was worth it.


End file.
